Burning Heart

Today was scheduled for 6 miles. I was feeling so tired yesterday that I decided not to join the TNT group for my run. Phil asked me why, since I had to run six miles? Well, I usually end up on my own anyways, so I figured I might as well sleep as long as I could, and then run from my home.

About 15 minutes before the Tour De France coverage ended, I started off. This way, Phil was going to meet me and feed me gatorade. I always have the hardest time with the first couple of miles, so I didn't want him to get up with me until I got through those. (Yes, I have the greatest husband on earth!!!) First mile was out of my neighborhood and down to the high school. This is about as flat as Greenville gets....second mile, there was a gradual downhill, followed by a nice twisty uphill, downhill, and then back uphill. Mile three was a gradual uphill, into a headwind. By now I was getting a little tired. By tired I don't really mean physically tired. The physical part of running is definitely not as hard as the mental part for me. I find it so easy to have self defeating thoughts when I run. I will never be a speed demon, but I think I am doing OK. But when I am running, I think that I am horribly slow, that I don't have good form, I think my sciatica is coming back, etc. This is where music helps. It distracts me from my greatest opponent- myself.

Today I really listened to the words from one of the Rocky songs "Burning Heart." It is from Rocky 4 I think, when he fights Ivan Drago. He is out training on the tundra while Drago is in A USSR sponsored state of the art training facility. At first, I was glad that song was on because it made me think of snow and cold (instead of the heat). But then I really listened to the words.
In the burning heart, just about to burst
There's a quest for answers, an unquenchable thirst
In the darkest night, rising like a spire
In the burning heart, the unmistakable fire, in the burningheart

In the warrior's code, there's no surrender
Though his body says stop, his spirit cries never
Deep in our soul a quiet ember
Knows it's you against you
It’s the paradox that drives us on
It's a battle of wills, in the heat of attack
It's the passion that kills
The victory is yours alone

So was this written for me? Or is it just that we are so often fighting against ourselves? I forget who it was that said this, but I think it's right on target:

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

I CAN finish my marathon. I CAN rock my training! But I can't look as cool as Ivan Drago.

8 mile

Eminem's movie was titled "8 Mile." But this is a post from a whole other world. A world where people are actually happy and love each other and do nice things, just to be nice.

This past Saturday, my schedule had 8 miles on it. I brought sport beans and a bottle of water with me. I should have brought Gatorade, I don't know why I didn't think of that. Anyway, we met at the designated time, and decided that the 8 milers would do our usual 5 mile course, then do the 5K course on Furman. That sounded OK to me. It was cooler out than it has been, so I was able to make it farther than usual before having to take a walk break. I got out the back gate of Furman and was upset that I had not brought my ipod with me. I had been getting so bored with it lately that I didn't think I would want it. But I did. I needed distraction that day, because my thighs felt like lead. I just kept concentrating on taking another step. I had a Christian pop song in my head that I had heard in the car on the way over. At about 2.5 or 3 miles, the legs started feeling a little lighter, so I was a bit faster. When I got to the end of the 5 mile course, I decided that instead of doing the 5k course, I was just going to do 3 malls. The mall goes from one end of campus to the other, around fountains and gardens, and is exactly 1 mile. I was feeling pretty tired when I started the first mile. I ate a few more of my sport beans and chugged on. On mile seven, I started thinking about some of the things that people have written to me about TNT. Things like "Your Dad is a great guy and a great friend. The world needs more people like the two of you." and "I started racing again when my friend Dina died from lymphoma. It made me feel better. I know it will help you too." or "We pray for your family all the time." The things people have written to me have made such an impact. I just about welled up with tears thinking of it- not because I was hurting (which I was) but just because there are so many wonderful people in this world. People who haven't met you in person,l but maybe know you through the internet. They genuinely wish you well. Or people who know my dad but not me and have written me nice letters. It reminds me that, no matter how much bad there is in this world, there is more good.
Well that did get me through mile 7.
Mile 8, I was really hurting- my calves and thighs were starting to cramp. I started praying to my guardian angel, Michael the Archangel. I thought this was appropriate because Michael is a warrior, and I am waging war on cancer. Of course, my dad has a bigger fight, but I know I am helping him. Whether it is just emotional support, or motivation, or raising money to find a cure, I am helping him. And that is the best that I can do.

Running and Kickboxing

Just not at the same time! Yesterday I worked out with a different trainer at the gym since the wonderful Stephanie is away at a conference. I started out on the treadmill and ran 4.5 miles. A pretty good run, it is feeling so much easier to complete more than 2 miles! My speed is also picking up now which I am very happy about. I am even getting better at reading on the treadmill!
After my cardio, I worked out with Mike and we did kickboxing. It was fun! That is not to say it wasn't hard- I almost puked which means my heart rate was near 160's- but it is always fun to change around your routine a bit. I worked on beating down those cancer cells- my daddy's and Jenny's, a girl I know who has Hodgkin's disease. It felt so great to just kick and punch those bags- great way to work out your frustrations!
Daddy is having his third chemo treatment right now. It seems like they are coming so fast- like his last treatment was just last week. I guess we just need to be happy that he is getting the treatments behind him!

Nose to Grindstone

Saturday our TNT team met as usual at Furman for our run- this week's was scheduled for 7 miles. Now the longest I had run prior to that was 6, so now with each of our longer runs I will be hitting a new record! It was a warm day, and unfortunately, quite humid.
We started by running the mall- the mall loops around the front of the university, goes around a pretty fountain, and back tot he activities center where we meet- exactly one mile around. Perfect for adding the odd mile here and there to our run. So we did the mall, then headed out the back gate and ran the course we have run the past two weekends- country roads, past fields, and old railroad track, farms....great scenery. It is also very hilly. This week I was running by myself mostly. I really started out not feeling so hot- the first two miles are hardest for me. I never seem to feel good until I get past those first couple miles. Then it just seems to get better each mile. I went back and forth between wearing the ipod or not- frankly it is getting a bit boring. I did enjoy "{Killing in the Name of" by Rage Against the Machine, though. I thought a lot about my dad, like I always do. I was also thinking a lot about my cousin Tommy, who is over in Afghanistan right now. I figure if all those guys (and gals) are over there, away from their families, putting up with the weather, I could take a little Carolina humidity.

I felt like I was running out of gas so I ate my first ever Powergel. It will be my last. It is the consistency of snot, and it was a green apple flavor. Yuck! My coach caught up with me just as I finished it- and I almost puked in front of him! He gave me much encouragement and headed off to meet up with other runners and encourage them (he is so nice! and helpful, too). Anyway, I think I am going to have to stick with sport beans of shot blocks- I really don't think I can stomach gel again!

I got back to the activity center and did 1 more mall- it felt pretty good! 7 miles was a lot harder than six. Six was not a lot harder than 5. It might have been the humidity too. I know I could have run more, if I had to. Which is good to know. But it ended up being a very good run. And even better- the blue powerade that I guzzled afterward!!